MaverickFilm’s writers have been picking their brains to think of the worst films of all time and here are everyone’s personal choices… be warned some of these are absolute shockers!
Wild Wild West – Arran
Summer blockbuster line-ups usually have one film that falls flat despite the marketing, the big names and the budget. But Wild Wild West has to go down as the biggest fall from grace in history.
Taking its title and character names, and none of the great plot lines or anything else for that matter, from the highly successful 60s television series Wild Wild West the film destroyed the programme’s legacy amidst huge upheavals in production as the film was chopped and changed. At the end of this butchery a Frankenstein’s monster of a film was left.
Will Smith stars as Secret Service agent Jim West and also provides the only redeeming feature to this film, its main theme, but even that is generous praise. His mission is to save the United States and President Ulysses S. Grant from Dr. Loveless with the help of inventor and general nuisance Artemus Gordon, played by the dullest man in history, Kevin Kline. Kenneth Branagh takes on the role of Loveless; a wheelchair bound, Civil War veteran, evil scientist obsessed with spiders who does not resemble the original character.
For two hours this film ruins cowboys, the moving stories of the US Civil War, mad scientists, gadgets, Salma Hayek, African-Americans campaign for equality, Warner Brothers’ reputation and the legacy of the original series. In 2009 Will Smith publicly apologised for this film and winces at the mention of this disastrous, nearly career-ending film….
Still worth watching though!
Melancholia – Phil
Melancholia is Lars von Trier’s profoundly terrible film about the world ending. It has a run-time of 135 minutes, but watching it start-to-finish feels more like observing the movement of tectonic plates – painfully slow and unending. Kirsten Dunst, Kiefer Sutherland, John Hurt, and the rest of the cast work admirably, but play a series of irredeemably unlikeable characters who are fascinated by the approach of a rogue planet, Melancholia, that has traveled into the solar system. By the end of the film, I was cheering for Melancholia to collide with Earth, thus ending all life as we know it because that meant the damn film would be over.
What Melancholia strives, and fails, to achieve is that artistic, deep, meaningful sort of cinema. It feels forced, and painfully so. No amount of Oscar-worthy acting could make this plot tolerable, and at times it felt like the stuff of quality Mystery Science Theater 3000. To the film’s credit: Melancholia becomes infinitely more fun to watch while making fun of it the whole time.
Years later, after having thought this film was a good use of the On-Demand feature on cable, I still can’t recommend against ever watching this enough.
The Host – Gareth
Earth has been conquered by mild-mannered body snatcher rapists, who infect human bodies and suppress people’s minds, but they’re really really nice about it so that’s alright… and anyway that’s playing second fiddle to the two women bitching about each other’s species in-between mooning over Max Irons. Throw in an overload of teenage angst, and the fact that the aliens are so drippingly wet you can’t believe they’d hurt the proverbial fly, let alone take over an entire world and this film falls apart faster than a day old croissant.
This might not be so bad if the film had proper pacing, or even some half decent action scenes to try and make you ignore the ever growing number of plot holes, but much of the film turns into more of a sink hole as the alien, Wanderer, finds herself at the centre of a clichéd love triangle between her host’s old boyfriend and Ian, who’s just had to wait for an actual alien to find a girl who’s out of this world.
A Good Day to Die Hard – Amelia Conway
The fifth installment in the Die Hard franchise, A Good Day to Die Hard, sees a departure from the well-constructed plots, stand-out character performances and infamous action scenes of the earlier films.
Bruce Willis returns as NYPD detective, John McClane, on a mission to rescue his son from the clutches of a Russian terrorist. The aged McClane echoes very little of the cop we all remember and his continuing habit of wreaking havoc wherever he goes simply strikes the viewer as a refusal to let go of the glory days.
From the off the film offers tired script-writing and performances that you would rather forget. The promise of a father and son chemistry even falls flat, leaving you more convinced of an indifference rather than a supposed deep estrangement between the two.
The Russian enemies bear nothing to the villainous threat of Hans Gruber (Die Hard), instead coming across rather tacky and cliché. The one redeeming moment is perhaps the father-son duo’s epic jump from a building in a final effort to escape and save the day. Quite simply though, A Good Day to Die Hard is nothing more than a huge disappointment.